


Brothers in Scars

by sunhawk (sunhawkflamesprite)



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-01
Updated: 2007-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-20 11:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunhawkflamesprite/pseuds/sunhawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for "Man Down", Ryan reflects on the changes in their relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers in Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Just an exploration of some ideas that have stuck with me about this season. Thanks to the always-lovely shadowfax27 for her beta help and constructive feedback! ^_^

As pale sunlight slowly lit the bedroom, Ryan lay on his side with his sleepy gaze resting on Eric's still-dozing form. His smooth, bronzed back presented a lovely contrast to the whiteness of the sheet partly covering his otherwise-bare torso, and yet Ryan's eyes lingered more often than not on the back of Eric's head.

That part of Eric was not as artful, with his hair shaved short and just starting to reach a decent length again. And there was nothing pleasant about the scar that marred the stubble behind Eric's left ear, regardless of its vaguely star-like shape. No neat pattern could distract from the raw, pebbled texture of Eric's healing wound or hide the fact that it very clearly showed just how close the bullet had grazed along Eric's skull as it left behind harmful little shards of metal.

Since Eric's release from the hospital, Ryan had spent every morning going through this little ritual of study. He told himself that he was trying to get out every possible urge to stare while Eric was asleep so he wouldn't do so while Eric was awake. But really, he couldn't help himself; found his eyes drawn to that stark reminder of just how close he had come to losing Eric. And not just once but almost twice, during that brief but frightening period where Eric had lost a chunk of time spanning _*months*_ which had oh-so-neatly cut Ryan out of his life due to the simple fact that they had gotten together not too long after Marisol's death. All that they'd been through, their unpredictable relationship that had gone from two men who almost hated each other to lovers, nearly wiped away by an arbitrary line in the sand - remember this far and no further. Even now, Ryan sometimes woke in the middle of the night, struck by sudden anxiety that Eric would wake the next day a stranger in his bed.

But in the early morning light, such fears were easier to silence. Ryan knew he only had to reach out his hand and touch Eric's warm skin, that Eric would shift in his sleep towards Ryan rather than away. His fingers itched to do so, even as he propped himself up on one elbow. Leaning in, Ryan finally gave in to an urge he battled against every morning and let one fingertip move feather-light along Eric's scar at its start, near the base of Eric's skull. He shivered at the bumpy sensation of healed scar tissue and then paused as Eric twitched. Ryan nearly pulled his hand away again; part of the reason he had restrained himself in the past was a real worry of hurting Eric. But just yesterday, Eric had firmly (and with some annoyance) assured Ryan that the injury didn't hurt anymore, so Ryan convinced his hand to continue its exploration.

Ryan was trying really hard to not wake Eric up, worried what Eric would think of his slightly morbid obsession. But maybe Eric would understand, maybe he had done the same thing to Ryan when their positions were reversed. Ryan had no distinct memory of Eric doing so, but maybe Eric had been this careful, equally unable to stop himself from letting a soft fingertip trace over the small long-healed crater left by the nail in Ryan's brow ridge. Ryan wasn't sure how he would have reacted before the shooting but now the thought of Eric doing so was a comforting one.

And Eric didn't seem to mind Ryan's new habit of touching him elsewhere while he was awake. Not sexually, not until Eric got a clean bill of health (which would be the only way Ryan would be able to stop worrying about hurting Eric), but in a simpler way of relieving his anxieties through touch. Though Eric chafed at Ryan's imposed period of chastity, he didn't act annoyed by Ryan's need to stand closer than before, to let his hip rest against Eric's hip, or by the way Ryan would hold his hand gently for minutes at a time. When they were in public, Eric even seemed vaguely amused by Ryan's indecision between keeping close and being discreet. When Eric returned to work, Ryan had no idea what he was going to do with himself to keep from working into a daily froth from conflicting desires.

As Ryan finished his light tracing of pink, scarred skin and put his hand back on the bed, Eric cleared his throat in his sleep and turned over on his back. A moment passed, and then Eric blinked slowly and opened sleep-muddled eyes, the momentary look of blankness there making Ryan's pulse stutter and halt as he waited for it to fade. Then he breathed a silent sigh of relief, as he had done each day since Eric's memory had returned, as Eric's lips quirked into a slight smile at the sight of Ryan watching him.

"Awake.. again?" Eric murmured, the brief halt between words still unsettling to hear. Ryan tried to ignore it since he knew it really bothered Eric to still have trouble talking, even after all the speech therapy he had forced himself through.

"Yeah," Ryan replied softly, smiling back at Eric. "You know me, too much of a morning person to sleep in much." And while that was technically true, they both knew he was lying. Just another harmless lie to help keep things smooth between them, trying to pretend that things were normal.

Eric lifted his hand and carefully moved it to the side of Ryan's neck, wordlessly urging him to lean forward. Only too happy to comply, Ryan tilted his head down to answer Eric's unspoken request, their lips meeting as Ryan let his eyes fall closed. If Eric's kiss was somewhat hesitant, it only made the moment between them sweeter as they lost themselves in the sharing of warmth and breath. In that moment, there were no scars and no pain and no uncertainty, just simple awareness of mutual need and trust.

Ryan felt Eric place his hand on his hip and then move upward, his touch lingering along Ryan's bare stomach and chest in a way that trembled between familiarity and discovery. The corners of Ryan's eyes prickled just a little, and when Eric's hand smoothed its way further upwards, Ryan blindly covered Eric's hand with his own and pressed Eric's palm tightly against his heart as it beat a little quicker in his chest. Their kiss continued unabated as Eric made an endearing soft sound of satisfaction and used his other arm to pull Ryan close. Ryan sank blissfully into Eric's reclining embrace and parted their lips again so that he could put his head on Eric's warm chest. With his other hand freed, Eric placed both on the small of Ryan's back as Ryan listened to the muffled rhythm of Eric's own heartbeat.

"Don't want you.. to go to work.. today," Eric mumbled drowsily from above Ryan's head.

"I'm off for the next two days," Ryan replied, smiling. Eric cleared his throat again, this time like he was embarrassed, and Ryan rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. Eric had become more than a little paranoid about forgetting even the smallest details, something Ryan could all too easily empathize with. And he did his best to let Eric know that he _*knew*_ , that he remembered all the frustrations and panic and fears about never getting it all back again. They were brothers in scars now as much as they had been brothers in arms. Ryan may not have been able to be there for Eric during the heat of battle, but that only made him doubly determined to help him walk the long road of recovery, for as long as Eric would let him. Ryan knew how cold that road could be if you tried to do it alone.

They both knew the risks of their job when they chose to go into law enforcement. They knew they were both lucky to be alive and relatively whole, that every day they willingly brought themselves to the attentions of people lacking morals but not firepower. And they knew that the thought of not being able to continue working as CSIs was more frightening than the thought of death or serious injury. The fact that Ryan didn't have to explain that to Eric, that Eric already knew and felt the same way, was part of the reason he thought their relationship had managed to last as long as it had. Ryan's concerns were all about making sure Eric would be ready to return to the lab, not with trying to talk him into doing something else, something safer. This was their calling, and they were damned good at it, scars and all.

And Eric would be that good again, Ryan felt certain, even when Eric himself did not. Already, he looked almost like his old self, no longer shaky from his hospital stay, moving more smoothly with each day. Eric's muscles knew what to do, he just had to regain his confidence that they would consistently do so. Ryan had spent many late nights, after he'd been kicked out of the hospital at the end of visiting hours, relentlessly researching brain injuries. He had printed articles out, tried to show Eric new studies that indicated that the brain could actually heal itself to some extent, that the capacity to learn quickly wasn't limited to children, as was previously believed.

Ryan felt Eric's hand move into his hair, ruffling it back and forth in a way he did to tease Ryan and his obsessive little need for order. Ryan closed his eyes and let the repetitive motions soothe him, as he breathed in the scent of Eric's bare skin. For a moment, he was tempted to go back to sleep, but then Eric's fingertip started to toy with his ear and jaw in a way that minutely made thoughts of slumber harder to keep in mind.

"You're cheating," Ryan pointed out.

"Am I?" Eric asked mildly. _*Too*_ mildly.

"Just four more days until your next doctor's appointment for a final physical; you promised you'd behave until then." Ryan replied with his voice torn between amusement and annoyance, trying to ignore what Eric was doing. It hadn't exactly been easy on Ryan either to abstain from the kind of physical exertion he was very fond of sharing with Eric.

"I'm.. not doing anything," Eric maintained his innocent tone, now playing with the nape of Ryan's neck. Ryan bit his tongue, trying to not lean into the caress and then sat up with his forearms on Eric's chest so he could move his neck out of harm's way, and he could look Eric in the face again.

"C'mon, Ryan, four days, today.. what does it..matter?" Eric's soft brown eyes silently coaxed Ryan, who took an uneven breath and felt himself wavering. He knew the rest of Eric had been mostly uninjured in the shooting, and even when his head had been bandaged, Eric had easily been the sexiest patient Ryan had ever seen. Even if Ryan was a bit biased.

"...As long as we take it slow," Ryan said finally, need warring with caution.

"Don't have much other choice.. these days," Eric replied with soft resignation, smiling a small smile up at Ryan. A familiar ache of shared hurt welled up in Ryan's chest at Eric's words and he kissed Eric again, the fierceness of the kiss surprising them both as their hands convulsively clenched at each other's waists.

"Good thing we have two whole days, then," Ryan whispered against Eric's lips before moving his own with that promised slowness along Eric's jaw and down to his collarbone. Hands wandered over skin that was sometimes smooth and sometimes not, their movements lazy and urgent by turns. Ryan's fingertips skidded along an unnaturally smooth line of raised scar along Eric's side, the touch reminded him fleetingly of Eric describing a time when he and Alexx had been caught in an everglades forest fire. Eric's palm touched the edge of a small lightning-bolt scar on Ryan's elbow from a callout where he'd kicked in a door and snagged his bare arm on a loose piece of metal, back during his patrol days.

Lost in each other, they didn't recoil from these reminders of injury but treated them instead as touchstones of reassurance. They had survived these wounds in the past, and they would survive many more to come.

-fin-  
1.3.07


End file.
